in which the monastery almost burns down again
by lloydskywalkers
Summary: (...and it is, technically, Lloyd's fault this time.) Planning Lloyd's first birthday with them is proving more difficult than Cole had thought it'd be, because one, no one really knows how old he is anyways, and two, they're a full two days late now because no one in this family owns a calendar, apparently.


**I am three days late but I wrote this for Lloyd's birthday and told myself that if I didn't remember to cross-post it here I would never forgive myself, because I am SO behind on that, so! Here's a post-season 2 birthday fic for the green bean. It's leaning into the realm of crack, so please take it with a grain of salt - I'm sure they all know Lloyd's actual age, but_ I_ can't just come out and declare it, you know? I'm also assuming that since this is immediately post-s2, they wouldn't have run into Lloyd's birthday until now, since it technically hasn't been a full year.**

**(Also if I don't have the next chapter of All I'm Asking For posted tonight someone please come after me, because it's been sitting in my drafts for a month and I need to _post it already_)**

* * *

Lloyd would've gotten away with it, too, if Cole hadn't decided to insist on flu shots that year.

"Lloyd, it'll take five minutes."

"Yeah, five minutes for you to schedule an appointment, which I don't need."

Cole eyes him skeptically. "So you're saying you _don't_ remember how sick you got last winter."

Lloyd grimaces. "That was…different."

"No, that was the flu," Cole sighs. "Look, we're all getting shots, but it'll be a lot more trouble if you don't fill out your medical applications so we can get coverage." He bites his lip, glaring at the computer screen. Zane's alone had taken him the better part of the morning, and Zane had been _cooperative_.

Lloyd remains stubborn. "Sorry, I think I hear Sensei calling me—"

"We both know he's out right now, Lloyd."

Lloyd grumbles something inaudible.

"Please, just sit down with me for five minutes?" Cole tries a different, probably-mean-but-he's-at-the-end-of-his-rope-here, tactic. "I mean, now that you're not so little, I thought you'd be up for it."

Lloyd makes a face, his expression working. The transition from shooting up to a teenager in the span of a minute has been…_something_, but Lloyd's been handling the maturity aspect rather well, if only out of sheer stubbornness (and the general weight of the world). He finally deflates, pulling himself atop the table so he can stare down imperiously at Cole.

"Fine. But I make no promises about _shots_."

Cole meets his gaze head-on. "If you try and hide in the air vents instead of going again, I'm going let Zane have full-reign over desserts for the next month."

"You _wouldn't_," Lloyd hisses at him, scandalized. "You know Zane doesn't believe in dessert! He'll just give us fruit." Lloyd's nose crinkles in distaste, and Cole hides a grin.

"Fruit isn't all that bad, you know."

"Says the cake-hog."

"I told you, that was Jay, and it was my cake anyways."

"Sounds like a bunch'a lies, to me—"

He finally gets Lloyd's application pulled up, and cuts the argument he definitely would have won short.

They're _getting_ to these flu shot appointments no matter what it takes, because the Final Battle was enough trouble on its own, and no one in this family is going to fall prey a crippling illness and ruin the rest of the year they have left, if Cole can help it.

Despite his initial stubbornness, Lloyd is at least more cooperative than Kai was. Cole manages to get his height — _geez he's short_ — his weight — _maybe they should be increasing his desserts, actually_ — and then spends a good fifteen minutes arguing over his eye color before they get stuck on the allergies section, then skip a good few sections until they're close to the end of the application.

"Birthday," Cole sighs, rubbing his temples.

"September twenty-second," Lloyd says, through a mouth of popcorn — a compromise, since it _is_ technically junk food, but also healthy enough to—

_Wait_. Cole frowns, then quickly checks the date on the little calendar icon.

Today is September twenty-fourth.

"Lloyd," Cole says slowly, a creeping sort of dread making its way up his spine. "Repeat that?"

"September twenty-second," Lloyd echoes, a bit slower this time.

Cole stares at him. "Like September twenty-second…as in two days ago?"

"Yeah," Lloyd nods, throwing a kernel of popcorn in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. He pouts as it misses, landing on the floor instead. Cole doesn't even lecture him — he's too busy having a mini-crisis.

"Your birthday was two days ago."

"Yeah?" Lloyd's beginning to look annoyed. "That's what I said. I can write it down for you, if you want."

"No, that's—" Cole blinks rapidly, running a hand over his face. "Wha— why didn't you say something?"

"Why would I?" Lloyd frowns.

Cole…does not entirely understand what's going on here.

"Why— because it's your birthday!" he finally exclaims. Darn it, he's never missed a birthday before — he even managed to pin down Zane's, who had claimed he didn't _have_ a birthday. Now his record is broken, and worse, it's broken on his _baby_ brother. "We would've — we would've celebrated, why didn't you _say_ something?"

Lloyd's shoulders hunch, and he looks a little on the defensive side now. "I mean, it's not _that_ big a deal," he says. "I'm just a little older. S'nothing to get worked up over."

"Not that big a deal — it's your birthday!"

"I know that, Cole."

"I mean, didn't you ever do anything back—"

He pauses. _Oh_.

Oh no. Cole is starting to understand what's going on here, and he doesn't like it.

Lloyd gives him a strained, painful-looking smile, that's honestly a terrible excuse of a smile in the first place.

"Darkley's isn't really big on birthdays," he says, with a brittle kind of laughter Cole isn't used to hearing from his youngest brother. "They didn't really, uh, care. At all. Kinda just made you a target for the day, 'cause you were older now, so you could take more hits, you know?"

Cole nods on blank instinct, like that's totally normal and makes perfect sense. On second thought, why _hadn't_ they punted any of those kids off the roof of Darkley's when they'd had the chance? Scratch that, why hadn't they hunted the teachers down and punted _them_ off?

"So yeah, not a big deal," Lloyd shrugs. He laughs, that false kind of one again. "I mean, it's not like I even know how old I am anyways, right? Tomorrow's Tea, and stuff." He slides off the table, giving Cole a grin. "Guess that means I can't fill out the rest of the application, oops! Bummer."

Lloyd makes a break for the hallway, slipping briefly in his socks before he grabs the doorframe, glaring at Cole. "And you _better_ not put Zane on dessert."

Then he's escaped down the hall, leaving Cole to stare after him with his slowly-combusting mess of emotions.

Oo_oh _boy, Kai's gonna love this.

* * *

Kai, as expected, takes it the worst.

"We missed Lloyd's birthday?" he croaks, looking like he's moments from tearing up.

"It was two days ago," Cole says, shaking his head. "_Two_ days. We did _clean-up_ that day! We spent his entire birthday hauling _debris_ around the city."

"Oh, _no_," Nya moans into her hands, where she's yet to look up from since Cole broke the news.

"I can't believe I missed this," Zane says, looking appalled with himself. "I am normally better with dates…"

"Why didn't he _say_ anything?' Jay exclaims. "Poor kid, he's gotta hate us—"

"No, see, he wasn't even upset," Cole throws his hands in the air. "Guys, I don't think he even knows _how_ to celebrate his birthday. He got all tight-lipped about it when I asked, then said that Darkley's 'wasn't big on birthdays' and something about getting hit, and are we _sure_ we didn't save the names of his old teachers somewhere?"

Ah, maybe he shouldn't have said that last part. Kai might actually _be_ crying now.

"Those heartless _punks_," Nya's hissing, her head raised so her eyes can spear everyone with what's practically lasers burning in them. "Those malicious _jerks_. What kind of stupid _school_—"

"I mean, Kai was a human piñata once, so we know it's legal," Jay says, his eyes sparking. "That'd be pretty festive."

"Wha— no, Jay, no one's getting used as a human piñata."

"Tell that to Nya," Jay sulks. Cole finally picks up on the conversation happening beside him, with no small amount of alarm.

"Nya, we are _not_ giving Lloyd the teeth of his old school teachers as a birthday present."

"I didn't say we'd be giving them to Lloyd, just that I'd kick them _out_—"

"No one's messing with anyone else's teeth!" Cole yelps, waving his arms between them. He suddenly frowns. "Hold on, maybe I should schedule dentist appointments while I'm at it—"

"_No!_" comes the united chorus. To Cole's disappointment, Zane's voice has joined in as well.

"Lloyd's birthday is what's important right now, Cole," Kai glares.

Well….point. But he's still gonna put_ 'make dentist appointments'_ on a sticky note later.

"Okay, so we missed Lloyd's birthday," Nya says, determinedly. "That's bad. What do we do?"

"We're a pretty half-rate family," Jay muses.

"Obviously, we made a mistake," Zane says, sagely. "So we must correct it, and throw him a birthday party to show that we are not, in fact, a half-rate family."

Cole points at Zane. "Now _there's _a better plan."

"So like, the best birthday party ever, to make up for all the ones he's missed," Kai nods.

"Yeah, we're making up for what, how many years worth of missed birthdays?" Cole asks.

They all fall silent, staring at the table pensively.

"Do we count the Tomorrow's Tea for missed years or not," Jay whispers.

Kai kicks him in the leg. "Of course we do!" he says, hotly. "That whole thing sucked, he'd better get _something_ out of it."

"Also, I don't think Lloyd would be thrilled if we threw him a ten year-old birthday party," Nya mutters.

"Ten years?" Cole frowns. "Is that right?"

"Yeah," Nya says, just as Kai goes "No, it's nine."

They both stare at each other.

"Uh oh," Jay murmurs.

"So clearly, we will not be putting a number on this cake," Zane rubs his head wearily.

"No, no, we can figure this out," Cole insists. "Maybe like, his parents will know?"

The others nod, just as Nya's head snaps up.

"Woah woah wait, hold on a second." Her eyebrows are furrowed, the growing look on her face thunderous. "Lloyd was with us the whole day, so we know for a fact that _no one_ remembered his birthday."

"Yeah, and?"

Nya looks at Kai again, who blinks rapidly, before a look that promises _trouble_ crosses his face.

"Maybe we should bring his _parents_ in on this conversation."

* * *

To Garmadon's credit, he looks even more horrified than Kai did.

"No," he says, frantically. "Lloyd's birthday isn't — no, it's September _already?_"

To also be fair, Garmadon was very recently exorcised of some very nasty, mind-affecting snake venom. He's kind of been through a lot.

"Yeah, it is," Nya says hotly, clearly not in the mindset of being fair. "And Lloyd's birthday was two days ago!"

Misako's head is buried in her hands on the table. "Two months," she's lamenting in despair. "I promised Lloyd I'd be better and I made it _two months_."

Kai is still arguing with Sensei Wu, while Jay is either attempting to defuse the situation or convince Wu that an exploding cake is a good idea.

"—lost track of time, after the Final Battle, you must understand how chaotic it's been—"

"Then why didn't you write it on your calendar or something?!"

"I don't have a calendar."

"Well there's your _first_ problem—"

"Which could be solved! By cake!"

It's not until Zane shoots him a desperate look that Cole decides to finally speak up.

"Look, guys — hey, _look_," he shoulders his way to the middle of the tense huddle they've managed to make in the monastery's sitting room. He takes a minute to thank that Lloyd's on patrol right now, instead of a room over where he could very easily hear his entire family arguing over who's fault it is that they forgot his birthday.

"Look," Cole sighs, once he's (_miraculously_) managed to get everyone quiet for a minute. "That's not the important thing now, okay? The important — lip it, Kai — the important thing, is that we're going to fix it. Got it?"

While Garmadon and Wu look a little affronted at being ordered around in such a way, the others nod in agreement, and that's all Cole needs. He's had _enough_ of the First Spinjitzu Master's family drama in the past few months, Wu and Garmadon can suck it up.

"Lloyd gets back from patrol in an hour," he continues. "So if we're gonna throw a party by this evening, we need to distract him."

"This evening?" Wu muses. "Isn't that a bit soon?"

He realizes his mistake a second too late. He's immediately set upon by four viciously gleeful students chorusing: "Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today, _Sensei_—"

"Alright, alright," Wu ducks his head. He mutters under his breath, "I didn't think I'd be paying for that one so soon."

"Anyways, _distraction_," Cole repeats. "We need someone to make sure he stays out of here the rest of the day, who's game?"

Kai immediately volunteers, followed shortly by Jay. Cole eyes them shrewdly.

"Let me rephrase," he says. "Who can keep it a _secret_ long enough for us to surprise him?"

Kai shifts guiltily, and Jay bites his lip.

"I mean, I _probably_ could…" he says, slowly. Cole does not have confidence in that statement. He looks to Zane.

"You're the only one I trust," he says, solemnly.

Zane shakes his head with a wry smile. "I'll bring him back by dinner, will that give you enough time?"

"Totally," Cole nods, just as Jay says, "Not even close."

In hindsight, Jay is probably more correct, but Cole will eat dirt before he admits that.

* * *

With even further hindsight, Jay is _really_ correct.

"We need presents," Kai is saying, as he struggles to drag in the truly ridiculous amount of streamers he and Jay purchased. "What can we get for Lloyd that's acceptable in the next two hours?"

Garmadon purses his lips, glancing briefly at Wu. "Our father's tradition was normally just a larger sword."

"Like Lloyd even needs a sword now," Jay reminds them.

"Why don't we play it safe, and get him candy, or something?"

"What, you want to _encourage_ his sweet tooth?"

"I don't hear _you_ coming up with any ideas."

"What about a mech?"

"That didn't end so great the last time, remember?"

"There's always those cursed scrolls, I suppose," Garmadon muses.

Cole glares at him. "Stop suggesting death weapons!"

"They aren't all death weapons," Garmadon huffs. "I'm simply saying, he might appreciate the finer weaponry in life—"

Misako, at least, suggests something nice and _safe_, like comics. Nya likes that idea, though she also wants to find a complete signed edition of the _Starfarer_ movies, which leads to a heated debate with Jay because "they aren't _movies_, Nya, it's a _TV show_, and you can't just _buy_ signed editions, they're priceless—"

Cole, who has better things to do than watch Jay shoot his romantic life in the foot for the day, wearily takes the end of a streamer from Sensei and helps him put it up. Kai is on the other side, still pushing for a pet.

"What about a cat, though," he pleads. "Cats are quiet, and they don't need as much attention."

"Lloyd would _give it _much attention," Cole mutters.

"Exactly," Sensei Wu sighs. "The monastery is not a place meant for pets. And besides, after his victory against the Overlord, Lloyd will be on the road more often than not. It simply isn't the time and place for a pet. He has a dragon, I am sure he'll be fine."

Kai looks mildly devastated by this answer, and Cole makes a mental note to make sure Kai doesn't sneak any animals in any time soon. This can come after the mental note that he can't forget about those flu shots, which comes after the other mental note that they really need to get started on a cake if they're gonna have one in time.

"He likes that kind with the sprinkles baked in," Nya informs him.

"Funfetti," Cole nods. Good tastes in cakes, a family trait. Nya, who clearly does _not_ appreciate good cakes, simply shrugs.

"Sure. With lots of frosting, of course."

"Great, that shouldn't be too hard," Cole decides. "And Jay grabbed candles while he was getting streamers, so we should be set. Let's get on making that."

"Oh _no_," Kai suddenly groans. They all look at him. "Guys, we sent Zane to distract Lloyd."

Jay frowns. "So?"

Kai spears him with a look. "That means Zane can't make the cake."

An icy silence of horror drops over the room. They all look to each other.

"I'm out," Cole says.

"I'm still relearning what I can even _eat_ as a human," Garmadon moans.

"I'm…adequate, at best," Misako grimaces.

"My cooking ends with coffee," Nya says, despairingly.

"I can make ramen?" Jay offers.

Kai stares at them. He looks incredulously at Sensei Wu, who shrugs.

"I can make tea cake."

Kai looks like he's resisting the urge to roll his eyes back into his head. "Okay, I'm making the cake, since all you are _disasters_." He shakes his head, grumbling to himself. "—have you even survived this long, Zane and I pulling all the weight—"

Cole thinks that last statement is rather unwarranted, but Kai can actually reliably make food without burning the house down — _ironically_ enough — so he's not about to pick an argument with their best bet.

So he focuses on settling another argument, instead.

"How many candles are we putting on this cake, by the way?"

He's sorely disappointed.

"The Tomorrow's Tea can be a bit unpredictable," Sensei Wu says, his eyes guilty. "I…cannot exactly say how many years it would add."

Cole resists the urge to roll his _own_ eyes into the back of his head. "Thanks for nothing," he mutters.

"Okay, well we can at least find out how old he was, and work from there," Nya says, resolutely. She turns on Garmadon. "How old would Lloyd be this year, if he hadn't aged?"

"Um," Garmadon says. His expression contorts, eyes going distant. "He was born in that one fall that the coast got hit by a hurricane, so that would make him, ah…let's see…"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"I was overcome by the vicious blood of the Great Devourer soon after, years blur together when you're immortal!"

Misako rolls her eyes, turning to Nya. "I remember, at least. This year he'd be—"

Cole misses the end of her statement as another vicious round of arguing breaks out behind him between Jay and Kai, who are supposed to be watching the cake in the oven.

"I'm his older brother, I'm bringing the cake out."

"What, like the rest of us _aren't_?"

"No, but I'm like — Lloyd's supreme older brother, so clearly—"

"Oh please, you lost him to the Serpentine in an _arcade_—"

"Hey, that's _sensitive!_ And I rescued him afterwards!"

"Yeah, after you had an existential crisis—"

"For the last time, today is _not about you_," Cole hisses, wedging between them and pushing them apart. "Cut that out, or I'm gonna think the Tomorrow's Tea aged you _down_."

Jay and Kai glare at each other, but they comply. Cole sighs.

"Look, Kai, you're the overbearing brother and that's valid, but I need you front and center when Lloyd walks in," he says, as he takes the cake out of the oven.

"Why?" Kai frowns, as he begins frosting the cake, seemingly heedless of how hot it still is. Cole watches him in despair for a minute before answering.

"Because you're the person he's least likely to blast on instinct if the surprise goes wrong."

They both make a face, but then shrug. "Point, I guess," Jay says, tossing the box of candles from hand to hand. "Better him than me." He glances at Cole. "So, how many candles we sticking on?"

Cole glances back to the now-decorated sitting room, where Wu, Garmadon and Misako are still locked in argument with Nya over…who knows what now.

_You know what,_ he thinks. It's not worth it.

"Just…stick a bunch on," he sighs. "They can be, like, a symbol of light, or something."

"If you say so," Jay snorts. He proceeds to cram as many candles as he can on the cake, following Kai's path as he frosts it. Cole watches in trepidation.

"Hey guys, Zane says he's running out of ideas, so we'd better hurry it — _woah_, that's a lot of candles."

Nya blinks at the cake, frowning at Jay. "You know that's gonna be a lot of fire when they're lit, right?"

"And is there a _problem_ with that?" Kai sniffs.

"Nah, don't worry about it," Jay waves her off before she can retort. "They're trick candles, you know? Like the sparky ones that keep relighting? It's gonna be great, haha."

_Great_ does not seem to be a word Nya agrees with, if the expression on her face is any giveaway, but they are _running out of time_ and Cole _can't deal with this_ right now.

"Great, just finish it up, okay?" he says, hastily. "Zane and Lloyd are gonna be back any minute, and we still don't have a—"

The unmistakeable roar of the Ultradragon comes from just outside the monastery, followed by the loud flapping of wings. Everyone goes still enough that if they _were_ in a sitcom, this would be hilarious, but they're not, and Cole's going to lose his mind.

"Light the candles," he hisses at Kai and Jay, who have frozen in horror. "Light the candles and turn the lights off, go go go!"

* * *

Lloyd does not end up blasting Kai in the face with a beam of golden power, which is mildly disappointing.

But he does jump a good three feet in the air, his eyes going the size of dinner plates as he makes a sound like a surprised cat, and Cole thinks that's just as satisfying.

Not as satisfying as the megawatt smile he wears while turning red as Kai's gi as they all sing off-key to him, of course, but pretty close.

"I'm sorry I couldn't delay longer," Zane apologizes to Cole, as they both watch Lloyd dance around the cake, trying to get the candles to extinguish while Jay and Kai laugh mercilessly at him. "He was beginning to grow suspicious, and I probably checked my phone too many times."

"You did great," Cole assures him. A bright flash goes off around the room as Misako snaps a picture, capturing Garmadon tightly embracing his son. Cole shakes his head, his lips quirking. "I really don't think we could've pulled off anything better, anyways. Probably best that you got here before it could get—"

The cake chooses this moment to go nuclear, Jay's candles lighting up blindingly bright as everyone shrieks, jumping back.

"—any more out of hand," Cole finishes weakly. Zane quickly darts forward with a yelp, helping Kai — who's extinguishing the candles with his _bare hands_, the maniac — eliminate the fire hazard.

Lloyd is the one laughing now, bright giggles as Jay feels at the ends of his singed hair, yelping. His laughter is cut short as Kai plants a firm hand on the back of his head shoves his face directly into the candle-cleared frosting, Nya egging him on from behind.

"Hey, we all have to eat that!" Cole yelps, darting forward. This proves to be a fatal mistake, as he steps in front of Kai just as Lloyd's trying to get him back by chucking cake at his face.

_Well, at least it's Funfetti,_ Cole thinks, wiping frosting from his eyes.

Lloyd's eyes go wide. "Cole, I'm sorry, I was aiming for Kai—"

Cole shakes his head, patting Lloyd on the back. "It's fine, green machine," he says. His grin turns evil, and he shoves the hand on Lloyd's back down, forcing him back into the cake. "Happy Birthd—_agh!_"

Somehow, they (_read: Zane_) manage to salvage enough of the cake that it's still edible, an between the streamers and music Jay starts blaring, it's a fairly nice party, as far as ones that are whipped up in an hour go. Everyone's crashed on the couches around the sitting room, finishing the last of their cake, and as long as Jay doesn't manage to offend anyone, it should be a pretty peaceful evening, all in all.

"A thousand," Jay's guessing at Garmadon, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration.

Garmadon's mouth twitches, and he exchanges glances with Wu. "Incorrect."

"Oh, come _on_," Nya throws her arms up. "Higher or lower?"

Garmadon turns his palms up. "What do you think?"

Jay coughs. "Loaded question."

Nya looks determined though, and she answers. "Higher."

Misako snorts into her tea, and Garmadon looks mildly offended. "I hope you're drawing that conclusion by looking at Wu," he mutters.

"They can't be _that_ old," Kai argues, through a mouthful of cake. He nudges Lloyd with his foot from where he's sprawled across the couch. "Hey Lloyd, how old's your dad?"

Lloyd shrugs. "Not sure" he says. There's a gleam in his eye. "I could maybe tell you, if you guess how old_ I_ am."

"Oh, you sneak—"

"Wait, I have another guess!" Jay's lips twitch. "Four hundred and twenty."

_That_ kicks off an entirely different debate, most of which is concerning whether Garmadon and Wu actually get what the joke is, so Cole decides to remove himself from the conversation by clearing plates. Just before anything gets heated.

He's made it halfway to the kitchen by the time he's realized Lloyd's following him, and he jerks his head toward what's left of the cake. "Want some more? It was your face that went in, so it should be fine for you."

Lloyd shakes his head, and spears him with a look. "Tattle tale," he accuses, but his eyes are warm, and the corner of the mouth is twitching with the smile he's holding back.

Cole flicks his eyes skywards. "I know you said it's not a big deal," he replies, fondly. "But it is to us."

Lloyd ducks his head, flushing with a small, shy kind of smile. Cole ruffles his hair, before continuing. "We didn't scrounge up a present in time, but if I know Kai, you'll probably get something stupidly big from everyone in the next few days."

"You guys don't have to do that," Lloyd laughs, a bit breathlessly. "This is—" He pauses, an odd, watery kind of expression crossing his face before he shakes his head. "This is a present enough."

Cole smiles at that. "Better than Darkley's?"

Lloyd laughs, for real this time, without that tense bitterness. "A million times better than Darkley's," he grins. "A _zillion_."

"Good," Cole nods, satisfied. "It's not over yet, either. Nya and Jay made a whole list of terrible party games they're gonna force you to try out."

"Oh yeah?" Lloyd says, looking faintly nervous.

"Oh yeah," Cole grins. "There's this really great birthday tradition I grew up with, where you make the birthday person sit in the middle and everyone has to go around saying something nice about them."

Lloyd goes scarlet at the mere thought of it, and Cole's grin grows wider.

"_Please_ don't," he murmurs.

Cole takes mercy on him, flicking a bit of frosting from his blond hair. "We'll pick something else instead, then."

He'll just spring it on him when he's not suspecting it later, anyways. It'll do the kid good to hear that people care about him.

If Cole's learned anything from this family, it's that.


End file.
